Losing Sean

It's amazing how some memories stay intact in our minds so much so that all we have to do is close our eyes and relive the moments whenever we want. Sean was a friend whom I had come to know through my Dad. Our Dads worked togther and so we would hang out together at company parties and picnics and sometimes at school. He lived around the corner from me and as we grew up I developed a bit of a crush on him. He was perfect, big brown eyes and brown hair and had an amazing smile. He also played football which I thought was the coolest thing ever. I was twelve and we often talked about our 13th birthdays. Our birthdays were 2 days apart with his being the 16th and mine the 18th. In December prior to our big birthday month Sean became ill with the flu. We lived in Virginia at the time, and a huge storm had covered the area just in time for Christmas. The day after Christmas I was walking in the snowy cold day and to my surprise ran into Sean walking the opposite way. He explained he was feeling better and we exchanged our Christmas lists, describing what we had received. I was so happy to see him. We also talked of our big days, just weeks away. Parties were in the plans for sure we agreed. Shortly thereafter his Mom called him in an so we said our goodbyes. "See ya when school starts!"
School started right after the New Year.

I walked in the front door that first day back to my Mom looking at me with eyes I had rarely seen in my young life. Now that I am a Mom I know those eyes, I have looked at my own children with those eyes. How do you tell your child that a friend of theirs has unexpectedly died? What do you say? Mine sat me down, at our round kitchen table and told me. I ran screaming down the hall, screaming that she's a liar, that it wasn't true. But it was.

The night of his wake, I refused to go, figuring if I didn't go, then it wouldn't be true. But it was. A few weeks later his birthday came and I sat and wondered what his parents and brother were doing. I felt so sad that a day he was so looking forward to wouldn't be happening for him. On my birthday, I celebrated for the both of us and have done so every birthday since. Every January 16th, I wish him a very happy heavenly birthday and tomorrow on my birthday I plan to raise a glass to him.

Losing Sean was one of many losses I experienced that year. It really affected me and in some ways it still does. I will never forget Sean, and if ever I wanna see his smiling face all I have to do is close my eyes and there we'll be, two 12 years old on a cold snowy afternoon laughing without a care in the world.